WHEN IT’S NOT “FOR YOU”:
SEEKING GOD’S IMAGE IN AN AGE OF ALGORITHMS
What’s in a reflection? Reconciling what I see in the mirror with what God sees in me
by CHLOE CROPPER
I vividly remember the day I caved and downloaded TikTok. It was a blustery April morning, and the extremely cute elementary schooler whom I often babysit begged me to duet her dancing video. She quickly informed me that I was “too stiff” for the app. My lack of dancing ability aside, I kept the app because it was the beginning of quarantine and I was desperate for any semblance of human connection, but it ultimately brought about some unexpectedly negative side effects within my life.
With hundreds of millions of users worldwide, TikTok has quickly become one of the most popular social media apps. As a video-based app, it encourages users to be authentic and to share from the most mundane details of their lives. While on the surface this may seem like a welcome, lighthearted change from other social media apps, the influence of Tik Tok is actually terrifying. I found it seeping into my life in unpredictable ways— my screen time suddenly skyrocketed. But, perhaps the most dangerous part of TikTok, at least for me, is the app’s infinite, personally curated algorithm.
The main feed of TikTok is known as the For You Page (FYP). What each user’s FYP looks like depends on the types of videos they interact with the most; TikTok tracks what users like, save, and watch and then creates an algorithm specific to their interests. The infinite scroll feature means that the app never runs out of new content to show the user. Through a combination of the FYP and the infinite scroll feature, TikTok has made itself virtually impossible to put down. So, when you are scrolling endlessly through TikTok, what do you actually see?
The goal of most users when posting a TikTok video is to go viral by garnering many likes and views. There are a variety of ways that a user can go viral, but there is one underlying factor that can be traced back to most viral videos: physical attractiveness. The more a TikToker caters to modern beauty standards, the more likes and views they will get.
Comment sections under TikTok videos are ruthless about physical appearance, and promote a very specific narrative surrounding the definition of attractiveness. This obsession with appearance is not unique to TikTok, but the endless scroll feature makes it feel more potent than on other apps. It creates an intense pressure that motivates many users to go to extreme lengths to look a certain way. This happens subtly sometimes; I would start scrolling through my feed to kill time and end up down a rabbit hole of negative content that constantly left me looking in the mirror and feeling dissatisfied with what I saw.
Many of the most viral trends on TikTok promote negative body image. #whatieatinaday and other similar, far-reaching hashtags encourage viewers to eat little to nothing in order to lose weight. Under these hashtags, you might see a video of someone proudly proclaiming that they drink iced coffee and chew gum instead of eating and have lost 15 pounds while urging others to do the same. A great deal of these videos also include users calling themselves fat, asking their followers to rate their bodies on a scale of 1-10, or begging for tips on “how to lose weight fast” with captions like “I can’t be pretty until I lose these last ten pounds.” Other trends glamorize diet fads and overexercising. Frighteningly enough, TikTok rarely does anything to regulate all of this pro-eating disorder content.
“Personally, I struggle with a deep desire to be considered attractive in the world’s eyes, and TikTok exacerbated this issue.”
When I first downloaded TikTok, I made the mistake of liking a video from a fitness influencer’s account; my feed quickly became an echo chamber of negative body image content. Personally, I struggle with a deep desire to be considered attractive in the world’s eyes, and TikTok exacerbated this issue. Seeing videos of other girls successfully losing weight by overexercising and undereating made me feel pressure to do the same. I felt hopeless because I knew that I would never look like the bikini models that were going viral. It sounds almost laughable that an app would have so much power over me, but doomscrolling through fitness content truly became an addiction.
It took a long time for me to realize that my fixation with how I looked had become a huge idol in my life. I was hypocritical, and justified my obsession by comparing my social media presence to other people’s, patting myself on the back for not having feeds full of selfies and bikini photoshoots. I had unknowingly adopted a “holier than thou” attitude when it came to my own vanity, feeling self-righteous because I had convinced myself that I was less vain than the average person. It was hard, therefore, for me to face the fact that even though I may not be the biggest selfie-taker, vanity about my appearance had still manifested itself in my life in other ways. While this is a deeply personal struggle that I am still battling through, I think it is important to talk about.
Social media, including TikTok, is not going away. Even though I eventually deleted my TikTok account, there are still so many other apps that foster comparison and toxicity. It’s about more than just social media; this obsession with how we look has completely pervaded our culture. I know that I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139), but I still have trouble believing this in my heart. There is no easy remedy to such a deep-rooted issue. I spent a long time feeling trapped by my fears and insecurities about my body; it felt like a hole that I would never be able to dig myself out of. What I have come to learn is that although there is no quick fix for struggles with body image, it is possible to find hope through small steps of progress.
Confiding in my close friends and mentors was a big step in the right direction for me. It is infinitely more difficult to tackle our burdens alone, and I could feel the difference that their love and support made in the way I saw myself. They also provided a layer of accountability; they know the warning signs that point to my lapse back to negative thought patterns, and are able to encourage and pray for me through those times.
Fighting my negative thoughts about my body is a war that I wage every single day. I recognize that no matter how hard I try, a complete eradication of my insecurities is not within my own control. Instead of striving for a perfect mindset towards my body, I instead strive to equip myself with the discipline necessary to deal with negative thoughts when they inevitably crop up. For me, this has come through not only spending time in prayer and in Scripture, but also through creating a concrete step-by-step process to handle my negative thoughts, from spending less time in front of the mirror, to journaling, to taking time off from social media.
“The image of God does not fit into a certain box of physical appearance; it is instead a far less tangible image of unconditional love.”
God created me in His image (Genesis 1:27). I have recently taken a new perspective on this often-repeated scripture. I have no idea what God looks like. I know that He came here as Jesus in human form, but other than that I know next to nothing about His appearance. The image of God does not fit into a certain box of physical appearance; it is instead a far less tangible image of unconditional love. Thus, when I think about the fact that God created me in His image, I think about how beautiful it is that He gave me this body as a tool to spread His love. When I think about the people that I have interacted with throughout my life, I rarely recall what they looked like. I think instead about their kindness, or intelligence, or compassion. What lingers is the way they made me feel, not the way that they looked.
Ultimately, my battle with my body reflects my fundamental desire for fulfillment. I treat my outward appearance like a destination, something that will bring me wholeness. At the end of the day, however, all of the physical flaws that I obsess over will be rendered completely and totally irrelevant: “And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Romans 8:23). In a culture that is perpetually assailing us with messages about what we should look like, it can be difficult to remember this message of hope and keep from getting lost in outward appearance.
Although I cannot control the fact that I am inherently a sinner and will always stumble and struggle with these thoughts, I can recognize and repent from my sins. When it comes to my struggle with body image, I do not think that there is a perfect solution, but I can continue to repent, pray, and find beauty in the fact that I can use the body that God has given me to reflect Him in a way that is far more profound than a number on a scale.
“When it comes to my struggle with body image, I do not think that there is a perfect solution, but I can continue to repent, pray, and find beauty in the fact that I can use the body that God has given me to reflect Him in a way that is far more profound than a number on a scale. ”
CHLOE CROPPER
is a sophomore from Pittsburgh, PA studying Industrial and Labor Relations. She loves being outdoors, chocolate chip pancakes, and the Pittsburgh Steelers.