UNDER THE INFLUENCE

drinking and loneliness during COVID-19

by Caroline Hinrichs

The COVID-19 pandemic has taken so much and changed so many of our daily rhythms. A year into America’s changed patterns of living, alcohol consumption has risen sharply, especially among young adults. What does it mean that so many of us are trying to escape our daily realities, and how can we find relief apart from the influence of alcohol?

I recently turned 21. I had never really planned on having the wild bar outing that the movies claim every 21st birthday to be, but the pandemic complicated the day even further. Would I drink? Would it be warm enough to get together with friends? More than anything, I knew what I didn’t want to do: imbibe alcohol alone. 

The pandemic’s disruption of normal social rhythms coincided with a huge increase in alcohol sales nationwide. Hospitals across the United States have seen heightened admissions for alcohol-related illnesses such as liver cirrhosis. [1] A survey conducted by Johns Hopkins during the pandemic saw people who reported more stress during the COVID-19 pandemic consuming significantly more alcohol than those with lower levels of stress. [2] The most frequent reported causes of this heightened stress driving people to drink? Loneliness. Social distancing, less time with family and friends, and the closure of schools and workplaces were all mentioned by more than half of the stressed respondents. 

Drinking to drive away loneliness is not a new phenomenon. People, especially college students, drink to facilitate social interactions and to lose social inhibitions that we feel may make us less “fun” to be around. Social camaraderie is the most cited reason that college students use to explain why they drink. [3] The New York Times reports that many patients at an alcohol clinic during the pandemic included college students who felt socially disconnected after being sent home for online school. [4] The isolation imposed by the pandemic doesn’t take that craving for social approval away; if anything, it’s made it stronger. But what makes loneliness so repulsive that people will spend money and risk hangovers to try to escape it?

To put it simply, humans were not made to be alone. When God—the triune, relational creator of the universe—made people, he said, “Let us make man in our own image, after our likeness” (Genesis 1:26 ESV). Being made in the image of God means that we share his innate relational capacity. This is shown after God makes Adam, the first man. God proclaims that “it is not good that the man should be alone”, and promptly creates a helper and companion for Adam: the first woman, Eve (Genesis 2:18). Adam had the companionship of the one true God, and had dominion over all the animals of the earth, and yet it was still good for him to have human company. This primal truth from the origins of the world still speaks to the nature of humanity today. Adam calls Eve “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh”—our very bones cry out for the love we were made to crave. And when this desire goes unfulfilled, we do anything to stop the pain. 

However, the numbness of alcohol does nothing in the long term to save us from our isolation. As we wait for the world to be safe again, we have better options than drowning our sorrows or trying to forget them. First, we can call our loneliness good, because we know it comes from our God-given desire to love and be in relationship with other people. No one is wrong or broken for feeling lonely. 

Coming to this realization has been helpful for me. Before the pandemic, I was a busy extrovert who found meaning and joy in my daily interactions with people. However, when the pandemic hit, it became clear that a lot of my friendships were shallow. By “shallow”, I don’t mean that my friendships weren’t real or meaningful. I mean that many of my relationships were rooted in convenience, in the fact that we saw each other often at classes or extracurricular activities. I had been filling up my desire for companionship by filling up my schedule, but that was no longer an option. 

At first, I felt isolated and angry. I prayed to God for guidance on how to escape my loneliness. At times I felt so much hurt that I wished for something to numb me. But I couldn’t fix my loneliness by ignoring it or by being angry at the things I couldn’t control. I took a look at the parts of my life and realized that my priorities were really messed up. Pre-pandemic, my life’s focus was mostly on getting where I needed to be at the times I needed to be there. I was so busy that simply attending classes, extracurriculars, and religious activities took up the majority of my brainpower and energy each day. The cessation of extracurriculars and the subtraction of travel time in these odd pandemic times was actually giving me a new opportunity to pour my energy into loving the people that God had placed in my life. 

In the book of Matthew, a lawyer asks Jesus what the most important commandment of the Jewish law is. Jesus has a simple answer: “And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets’” (Matthew 22:37-40, ESV). Living a life to honor God depends on the core principles of loving God and loving others. 

It wasn’t my fault that I was seeing fewer people on a daily basis, but it was possible for me to intentionally grow deeper in relationships in order to love people in a Christlike way. I started doing something that I admit I rarely did before the pandemic—being the first one to reach out to make plans. I made a list of friends and set a goal to catch up with one of them every Saturday for the rest of the semester. Writing everything down and downloading an app to track this habit made it much easier to achieve. This has worked really well in allowing me to connect both with God and with others. 

Making an intentional plan is also key to breaking free from the cycle of alcohol dependence. According to Dr. Vanessa Kennedy, director of psychology at an addiction recovery center, precommitment can be helpful: this practice of making a plan for how many drinks you will consume and when you will consume them can help individuals to consume alcohol in moderation instead of excess. [5] Social support is key to success—involving a friend, roommate, or family member in this plan makes it much more likely to stick to the predetermined schedule. 

Reaching out and intentionally loving other people can make us feel less lonely in a way that alcohol cannot, but whether we are alone or with others, God is always with us. There is freedom in knowing that we don’t have to cover our suffering up, but can bring it to our heavenly father in prayer. Psalm 22:24 says “He has not despised the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cries for help.” God hears us, and he knows our suffering. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol addiction, you can call SAMHSA’s helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) for referral to local treatment options. 

SOURCES

[1] O’Connor, Anahad. “Excessive Drinking Rose During the Pandemic. Here Are Ways to Cut Back.” The New York Times, April 2021. https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/12/well/mind/covid-pandemic-drinking.html. 

[2] Grossman, Elyse R, Sara E Benjamin-Neelon, and Susan Sonnenschein. “Alcohol Consumption during the COVID-19 Pandemic: A Cross-Sectional Survey of US Adults.” PubMed. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, December 9, 2020. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7763183/. 

[3] LaBrie, Joseph W, Justin F. Hummer, and Eric R. Pedersen. “Reasons for drinking in the college student context: the differential role and risk of the social motivator.” PubMed. Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs vol. 68,3: 393-8. October 30, 2014. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4214145/

[4] O’Connor 2021.

[5] O’Connor 2021.