Wallowing to Worship

This year, we're collaborating with writers across the Augustine Collective, a network of student-led Christian journals, to bring you a series of short devotional articles during this season of Lent, the 40-day period prior to Easter. Find this series also published by UChicago's CANA Journal and UC Berkeley's TAUG.

By michaela dumlao

As humans in a broken world, we've all found ourselves wallowing in a puddle of icky, muddy feelings. When I dwell on my own shortcomings, I often break out a pint of Bavarian Raspberry Fudge ice cream, savoring the wedges of chocolate to distract my taste buds from the salt in my tears. Sometimes, it is easy to indulge in my brokenness, mistaking it for rest; but no matter how long I sit, no matter how long I cry into the velvety Cornell dairy, I am left empty. Rather than finding renewal in the Lord, I seek comfort on my own terms. Lingering in self-pity does not bring restoration. 

Rather than dwelling in our own brokenness and tendency to sin, the Lord calls us to leave our sinful bodies behind, which trap us in cycles of wallowing in self-pity, to “die” metaphorically so that we may find true life and a reason to rejoice in Him. Today’s lectionary points us to John 12, where Jesus states, “Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” [1]

Jesus, the perfect Son of God, came down to die and take on the burden of our sins so that we might die to the flesh and live in Him. He, who was without sin, was beaten down, His body distorted and wounded, so that we could be made righteous. [2]

Our restoration is not found in a pint of ice cream; it is found in the blood of Jesus Christ. So what do we gain from wallowing (that is, grieving without purpose)? Why are we so quick to cling onto the world, our flesh, and our brokenness when Jesus calls us to rest in Him? God’s promises are greater than anything we could gain on our own. In Matthew 11:29, Jesus states, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” [3] 

God deserves glory in times of trouble just as much as He does in times of joy. Regardless of circumstance, regardless of feeling, our souls can rejoice because we have a merciful God who meets us in our brokenness. He established the Law of Moses to guard His people until the coming of our Savior. [4] He promises to justify us by our faith, knowing we could never attain righteousness by our own strength. Jesus’ blood paid our debt in full, freeing us from sin and making us alive in Christ. For that, our souls can rejoice. We can offer Him our burdens and rest in Him, not in the world.

Our flesh craves the temporary respite, but our Lord offers us an eternal refuge. Only in Christ can we find true and everlasting peace. No indulgence in anything else could ever compare to His overflowing love for us.

So next time I find myself reaching for a pint of Bavarian Raspberry Fudge ice cream, I’ll pause first, because as delicious as it is, no amount of chocolate chunks can bring rest to a weary soul — but Jesus can. 

Michaela Dumlao is a sophomore studying Industrial and Labor Relations at Cornell University. 

SOURCES

[1] John 12:24-25

[2]  Isaiah 53:5

[3] Matthew 11:29

[4] Galatians 3:24