Remembering Your Neighbor

image description: hands with red paint gather to form a heart

BY Isaac ObermaN, YALE ‘26

“You shall not bear hatred for your brother in your heart. Though you may have to reprove him, do not incur sin because of him. Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against your fellow countrymen. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.”

 Leviticus 19:17-18

It is oftentimes hard to love your neighbor. During my freshman year, I lived in a large suite with roommates who had slightly different tastes in how to spend their evenings. I preferred a quiet night in, and they were more apt to throw large parties. The disparities in our evening practices regularly led to strained interactions, in which bleary-eyed roommates would apologize to likewise, albeit unintentionally, bleary-eyed me. To say I was miffed would be an understatement. I was indignant over their lack of regard for the rest of the people in the suite. I rarely talked with them, and the few conversations that we did have were reserved and quick so that I would not say anything snarky or mean.

Looking at the verse above from the book of Leviticus, God speaks through his prophet Moses about various laws and practices that the Israelites must keep. Near the middle of the chapter, Moses begins a topic on how we ought to interact with our neighbors. After quite a few shall nots, Moses drops us an affirmative command. The first example of the golden rule is written in the Scriptures for us: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” [1]

In Søren Kierkegaard’s aptly titled chapter, ‘You Shall Love Your Neighbor’ from his book Works of Love, Kierkegaard discusses the difficulty in loving one’s neighbor, but also its deep importance. “Christian love”, he says, “teaches love of all men, unconditionally all.” [2] Kierkegaard works to set a strong distinction between the ideas of Christian love and commonly held conceptions of eros or erotic love, which in actuality means selfish love. In setting this distinction, he urges us towards Christian love that—in serving and willing the good of our neighbors—sets our minds and our love on God.

Kierkegaard describes erotic love as a love or relation between two individuals. This erotic love is self-love, love that is not truly towards the other person but that is meant to fulfill the desires of the person dispatching the love. For, when we treat someone with erotic love, we love with the expectation of reciprocation for the love that they might give us. Think about two newlyweds. Nothing will stop them as they revel in the joy of their marriage and new life together. Their love is towards the other, but it also seeks the end of having that same deep love returned. Kierkegaard explains this by showing what happens when another person is brought between two people engaged in this erotic type of love. “Bring a neighbor between the lover and the beloved…between friend and friend as the middle term whom one shall love–and you will immediately see jealousy.” [3] The love is not truly for the other, but for the positive feelings we hold for our friends. These erotic love relationships are not necessarily detrimental and are oftentimes a foundational part of the human life and human experience. However, when we let these erotic love relationships stop us from having meaningful interactions and love for everyone else, the relationships stunt the love we can share.

Christian love for one’s neighbor stands in contrast because it flows through the intermediary of God. Where we love our friends because of our preference for them and the joy we get from time spent with them, we love our neighbors because in doing so we are demonstrating true, selfless love; the kind of love that’s seen by loving our neighbor for love’s sake, not necessarily for any preference we feel towards them. The simple act of holding a door, of asking a stranger how their day is, or of asking if you could pray for them is where this kind of love shines through. This selfless love stands as a reflection of God’s love for us; we who are so unholy in comparison to Him nevertheless are blessed to have the gifts of forgiveness and enjoyment of His grace and mercy in our lives. And this love is not for anything we can give in return; it radiates solely from God’s great goodness. Christian love is our attempt to mirror the love God has for humanity.

Loving our neighbors is an unnatural thing for us, and it often feels like a thankless job. But the Gospel reading from the book of Matthew reminds us of the good we receive when we love our neighbors and treat them well. Whenever anyone practices this selfless love for our neighbor, we grow in virtues like empathy and kindness. We learn how to feel others' pain; and, in doing so, we can better walk alongside them in their times of trouble. In addition to the emotional good of loving our neighbor, We can rest assured in the spiritual good that comes as well. Jesus tells us that when the time of judgment comes, He will remember those who loved and took care of the sick and the needy, the cast-down and the broken. For He says “What you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.” [4] Not only do we grow in sanctification as noted previously, but we are also assured of our being in Christ. Not to mention that we also aid those most in need, helping to elevate them from their pain and shine the light of Christ into their lives.

Coming back to my freshman suite, the situation with my roommates was resolved when we figured out a schedule so I knew when they had their parties and could schedule my studying and time in the dorm accordingly. Practicing Christian love allowed me to solve the problem in our relationship by overcoming my annoyance at their disregard and mutually solving our problems. It could not have happened until I treated them as my neighbor instead of as my opposition. 

In this Lenten season of remembrance, let us remember to love our neighbors, especially those weary and heavy-laden with emotional and spiritual burdens. For in remembering the selfless love of our neighbor, we remember Christ and His ultimate act of selfless love: when he sacrificed himself on the cross to save us from our sins.

SOURCES

[1] Leviticus 19:18

[2] Kierkegaard, Works of Love, ‘You Shall Love Your Neighbor’, pg 63

[3] Kierkegaard, Works of Love, ‘You Shall Love Your Neighbor’, pg 66

[4] Matthew 25:40